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To an old friend.
October 03, 2001 1:45 a.m.

To an old friend:

It seems odd that we are in the same town and don't hang out or talk to each other.

The other day I watched the movie, Henry & June, and was trying to explain to someone how the actress who plays Anais looks like you, and I said "my friend."

But that's not right, really. Because we are not friends. And it's too bad, really. It makes me really sad to say that I can't call you my friend.

I thought when you moved back we'd get together again and hang out once in a while. Everyone said, "Don't get your hopes up." And it's odd, because rarely do I get my hopes up. But of course I did this time.

I need to let go now. Our relationship has been hanging on my shoulders for too long.

I'm not sure if it was ever real, and by real I mean real and not superficial to you.

Despite the wall I have created around me keeping everyone emotionally distant, you managed to seep through.

I guess that wall was there for a purpose though, and I'll have to patch up the hole.

I want to tell you I'm sorry for all the times I hurt you, all the times I didn't understand you or you felt like I didn't support you. I'm sorry for betraying you.

I'm sorry I'll never understand you, and you'll never understand me.

I'd just like to say goodbye.