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Crucify
02.20.05 10:30 pm

I completely understand that the reason I am so dissatisfied with my appearance is that my definition of attractiveness for myself is so rigid, so specific and so utterly different from how I currently look that my brain sees me, reads my definition of beauty and starts spitting out error messages: "Subject ugly. Does not compute."
People are always incredibly more scrutinous of themselves than they are of other people. How else can it be explained? Some days I look in the mirror and think, "eh...could be worse." Other days I'm like, "Dear Lord in heaven that is hideous!" But I don't react so violently to other people's appearances. Most people look pretty much the same every day. And probably, I look the same everyday to everyone else. I'm fairly certain most people don't look at me and say "Dear Lord in heaven that is hideous!"
So how do I change the defintion of beauty in my head?
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"I know a cat named Easter, he says will you ever learn, you're just an empty cage girl if you kill the bird."
-Tori Amos