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Super Wal*Mart
2001-05-25 10:18 p.m.

Have you ever been to a Super Wal*Mart?

There is a big difference between Wal*Mart and Super Wal*Mart. When you go to a regular Wal*Mart you rush in, nose plugged, in a desperate search for xyz necessity, and rush out gasping for breath, hoping you did not catch any diseases, and then you go home and vigorously scrub your skin in the shower for two hours, in an attempt to clean that disgustining hotdogpopcornbodyodor smell off yourself.

Super Wal*Mart is a completely different experience.

Super Wal*Mart reaches out and grabs you from BLOCKS away and sucks you into it's vast gargantuan building containing aisles and aisles of gleaming items just waiting for you to pick them off the shelf.

Even if you intend to go to Super Wal*Mart, only to buy a couple things, it is impossible. Before you can even head in the direction of the Clearisil oil-removing tissues you are lured in by the *SALE* items, and you can't help but pick up a small bottle of Minty Listerine and a box of Kleenexes. Soon you are whisked away to the massive Loreal display and find yourself opening tube after tube of lipstick hoping to find that perfect shade of Shine Delice.

Before you can head off to the facial cleansers, you accidentally glance down and notice a concealer ESPECIALLY for undereye bags and wrinkles, that no sane person would not buy. And of course right next to the concealer is the translucent loose powder, and how you can even really put makeup on without translucent loose powder to dust over it?? When you finally get to the Clearisil oil-removing tissues, you notice a tiny little "oil-removing powder" compact right next to it, that is soooo adorable you cannot bear to be without it.

Slowly you are being pushed and pulled into aisle after aisle of gleaming cosmetics. You find Maybelline Kissing Potion in Cherry Cola Fizz that you CANNOT BELIEVE you have been without all these years. You are bombarded with large displays full of products at the "ALWAYS LOW PRICE OF $4.27!" What better reason to buy is there?

You wander up and down each aisle, looking first at picnic dishes until you are tempted away by the office supplies only to be tempted from that by the huge magazine rack.

You really only need one glass for work but you really want the green mug that has water in the sides that you can freeze (well probably you should get two), and you really should get the purple insulated glass, and you can help but notice how cute the coke dishes are, and it wouldn't hurt to buy JUST ONE plastic Coke glass, after all, you have been drinking a lot of Coke lately, and it would go thematically well with the cola lip gloss. **In a moment of sanity you realize it is RIDICULOUS to buy TWO freezy mugs and set one down on the shelf.**

Just like that you move from section to section and with each aisle your armload of items grows bigger and bigger and your pulse races faster and faster until Super Wal*Mart spits you out onto the sidewalk, your arms stuffed full of blue bags with big yellow smiley faces on them, your mouth gaping open, sweat beads forming on your forehead. You wander back to your car in a daze wondering how you could have POSSIBLY shopped for three hours and ended up with SO many bags when you really only intended to buy two things?

You could wander for days at a Super Wal*Mart and not realize it.