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f.a.q. v2.0
September 24, 2001 2:17 a.m.

cmyk's f.a.q. v2.0:

IS THAT PICTURE ON THE RIGHT YOU?

Yes, actually. You probably didn't know this about me, but I moonlight as Christina Aguilera. You might have seen me at the Grammy's. Just kidding. I'm just Christina's stylist and vocal coach, that's why she's got my name on her boobs.

CAN YOU DO A TEMPLATE FOR ME TOO?

Actually every now and again, when I'm not teaching Chris her shit or picking out her cropped tops, I get a few minutes on the computer. I wouldn't mind doing a template for you, if you were really, really nice to me.

COULD YOU APPEAR ON THE COVER OF OUR MAGAZINE?

You'll have to contact my publicist regarding interview information.

YOU SEEM TO REALLY LIKE ANIMALS, ARE YOU A VEGETARIAN?

I am a vegetarian at heart, but my body is a carbohydrate addict and therefore I eat lots of meat.:(

DID YOU REALLY GET FIRED BECAUSE YOUR BOSS WAS READING YOUR DIARY?

No. You must be confused. What actually happened is, I got signed to Virgin Records and they offered me $23 million dollars for my first album. Unfortunately this was just too great an offer for me to pass up to stay at my "graphic design" job, though I adored it so .

DOESN'T IT SEEM A LITTLE WEIRD THAT YOUR BOSS WAS READING YOUR DIARY?

Call Virgin Records if you don't believe me, dammit! But, yes it seems a little freaky.

BUT YOU DID CALL HIM A PERVERT, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?

Well, I look at it like this: I you put a loaded gun up to your head and pulled the trigger and all that came out was a little flag that said "moron," you might be pissed, but what did you really expect shooting yourself in the head? Just because something is on the internet doesn't mean it's "right" to look at it. I'll skip the kiddie porn analogy.

IF YOU COULD ASK ANY CELEBRITY ONE QUESTION WHAT WOULD IT BE?

Dear Britney Spears, Would it be at all possible for you to stop singing in that freaky little girl-congested voice? It gives me a headache. Thanks.