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Where are you Ryan?
December 21, 2001 2:43 a.m.

So..I've been sleeping, and sleeping and sleeping! I guess I'm catching up, from not doing so this past semester. And yes. It's been proven you can catch up on your sleep. Eventually I hope I will.

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A boy keeps running around in my head....I wonder what he's doing up in there.... I haven't quite figured him out.

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I don't really like talking via instant messenger or email to people I don't know that well. It's hard to "get"(for lack of a better word) people that you don't know very well in plain text. Usually if I know someone better, it's easier to understand what's going on. So that has made this whole getting to know eachother process with me and boy.....weird. I don't really like it.....and I'm the biggest computer geek, I'm just not feeling it.

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Today we had our gift exchange for work. I recieved a Bob Marley calendar, and a Hope Floats DVD. Yay! Very good presents. Except for that whole fact that the limit was $15!!!! Why would you go out and spend $40 when the limit is $15?...Okay...I admit I spent like $20. But $40??? It made me feel a little uncomfortable. Why do people do this? Then all the people that spent only the designated amount feel bad. It's silly. Just the calendar would have been more than enough. Although it does make up for last year when the stupid bitch who I HATE got me CANDYLAND! and some talking weeble wobble fucking TOY! YES! Candyland the board game appropriate for 3-6 year olds! Yes TOYS! And then when *godforbid* my weeble wobble broke, she felt bad, and got me A WINNIE-THE-POOH CALENDAR!! And not just a 12 month one....a 14 month one. The static wrap was never even removed...Okay. So I am the youngest one at work. But I am 22. Not 2. And I wanted fucking chocolate. The whole point of making lists when you do the gift exchange is so that you get something that person wants, not so you can mock their age! But...She's gone now. Too bad. Moving on....

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So yes, I've been sleeping and trying to recuperate from this past semester, and I think it's time to get back into creation mode. I'm jonesing for creation.

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In other news, today I went and scheduled for classes at my old college. I'm taking Botany!!! Math, 20th Century European history and Chorus!!! This may not seem weird to the normal college-going people, but I have been taking 90% design-on-the-computer-classes for two years. Now I'm going to be learning about plants, europe, math and singing with a bunch of people. This is bizarre....but what is really bizarre is that MY PICTURE IS ON THE COVER OF THE TIMETABLE!!! Hello! My PICTURE. A photograph of ME!!! Yours-truly! This has got to be the most bizarre thing that has ever happened in my life.

Okay that was a gross exageration. Nonetheless, how weird is it that when I go BACK to my old college, I'm on the timetable cover? Is it a sign??????

What's really sad is that I received the timetable three days ago, and noticed MY PICTURE ON THE COVER tonight. Yes, yes....laugh now. But soon I will be educated in the ways of plants, and I will be the one laughing!!! A ha ha ha ha ha.

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What's even more bizarre about this whole bloody college experience is that this person who has been reflected upon in this diary, is rumored to work at this facility.

That's really super.

What does this mean? Well....A confrontation involving:

a) Sudden memory loss as to who the hell she is.

b) Superficial conversation summing up the past two years in as short a period of time as possible, uncomfortable silence, and "see ya around, probably not, but i'm trying to be polite"

c) An emotional reunion followed by a complete recreation of the past whereas; parties one and two are best buddies for a period of 3-4 months, after which time party one will feel urge to forget party two's existence, and avoid contact for a period of 1-3 years.

or

d) By miraculous divine intervention, parties one and two will somehow avoid all contact with eachother for the entire semester, (very similar to the divine intervention that took place the past two years, where by God's dear grace I managed to avoid contact with an old "friend" at tech school...so it's possible).

It's kind of like choose your own adventure! Neato.

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I'm trying to find my brother. My loser-dad who I've been in contact MAYBE 5 times in life had another child with a different woman. He is a few years younger than me. His name is Ryan and years ago he wrote me a letter, wanting to get in touch. During that time, there was a tragedy, and I lost the letter. My dad's last known address is in a city called Jordan, Minnesota, that I can't seem to find anywhere. It's as if my "dad" no longer exists. I have a phone number, but am too scared to call. I want to talk to my brother, not my dad. I don't know my brother's last name though, it's sad that i've lived 22 years and haven't had my brother in my life for any of them. I hope it's not too late.

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