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Hey Baby
December 14, 2001 5:24 a.m.

I have *ONE* day left of school. Praise Jesus.

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I deleted a TON of entries that made me uncomfortable now that every one in town has read my diary. Plus I realized how depressed I was this summer, and that made me depressed and reminded me of fat bastard, my old boss. Fuck depression. I deleted it. Sorry for anyone who was extremely attached to those entires about how much my life sucks.

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I stil don't know what to do with my life, though I have made a decision and although I seriously appreciated most people's caring and insightful responses. I learned that some people really don't know me at all. Or maybe they don't want to know me, or don't care, and thus their answers were somewhat unappealling to say the least.

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In reading past entries I realized that though I DIDN'T, it may have seemed as though I had a crush on a certain someone who I talked to for a brief amount of time this summer. This was NOT the case. So if you're reading this, which I don't think you are, and you had previously though I had a crush on you, I didn't. Sorry. You were wrong. If you don't read this then I feel like a fuck.

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I've realized that I spend way to much time worrying about what everyone else thinks of me and what I should do, and who I should be, and that's moronic. I need to decide what kind of person I want to be, and become that person. I guess there's some people who make me feel so...not good enough. I'm tired of it frankly. And maybe it's all in my head. But I need forget that shit. I don't think I'm doing that bad.

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To everyone who I am designing layouts for: I'm almost done with school and don't have a lot of time. But I will finish all of them. However, If I've contacted you with questions and you haven't responded then I probably won't do yours. Sorry.

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And oh, lord. If that game were real it would be my FAVORITE. Let me tell you. If I had it to do all over again I would:

1. Not been mean to anyone in high school, even if they annoyed me.

2. Joined choir instead of band or been in both in high school.

3. Learned ballet

4. Learned karate

5. Learned guitar & piano

6. Been in sports in high school. Like track or something.

7. Paid attention to school a little bit, instead of paying attention to drugs and boys and being cool.

So yeah. My regrets pretty much revolve around high school time.

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Although I have serious issues with bumper stickers, I saw an extremely brilliant one the other day, and although I can't quote it exactly it said something to the effect of, "Don't hold strong opinions about things which you know nothing about."

Now that's a smart bumper sticker.

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Right now I'm really enjoying Linkin Park, A Change Is Gonna Come cover by the Fugees, 1000 Oceans by Tori Amos, Stan by Eminem, Hey Baby by No Doubt, Smooth Criminal by Michael Jackson, and Love Song by Chocolate Genius.

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