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Pardon my little motivational speech to myself.
September 30, 2001 2:26 a.m.

Whoever said "It's not hard to do the right thing, it's hard to know what the right thing is to do," was full of shit as far as I'm concerned.

I know exactly what I need to do in my life. It's just a matter of doing it.

The other day when I was talking to a friend she told me we had a lot in common. Then she told me she is very ambitious.

Which is what we don't have in common.

Sure, I have goals, aspirations. But as far as taking the steps to achieve them, nope.

I wish I could have that in common with her. Not that she hasn't sacrificed a lot in being ambitious.

Yes folks, that's the catch. Sacrifice. If there were no sacrifices we'd all be rocket scientists or whatever the hell we wanted. I don't sacrifice anything. My life is so easy, it's pathetic. The only inconvenience in my life is me and my attitude.

My mother got pregnant when she was 18 years old. She worked full time AND went to school full time, AND raised a child. That's a woman who made sacrifices.

My ambitious friend is on the road to success.

I feel like I'm on the road to my demise.

My demise being the day I wake up and look at my fat self, in the mirror of my shitty apartment, in the little town I was too afraid to leave, going to the job I never rose above, to pay all the mountain of debt I could never get a grip on, and realize...it's too late. IT'S TOO LATE. All my aspirations will just be silly little fantasies. Sure, I never made any sacrifices, and look where it got me.

It's cliche but the phrase "just do it" about sums it up.

Or better yet, "get off your fat ass, and just freaking do it! dammit."

The only way I'm ever going to do something with my life is if I do just that. Quit doing all the stupid little things I do, reading magazines, watching movies, sitting on my ass, and do SOMETHING worth while. Something that will benefit my future. START MAKING SACRIFICES.

Tommy Mottola is not going to come knocking on my door, neither is a design firm.

I'm not going to wake up one day and be skinny, out of debt or own my own business.

My dog isn't going to train herself.

When am I going to wake up and face reality? When am I going to grow up and make it happen? Take control of my life, Stop making excuses and be somebody I can be proud of?

My future is a choice. I am not a victim of circumstances, I am only a victim of my poor decisions and of my attitude.

Even if I work my ass off and nothing great comes of my life, at least I can say I tried my damndest to make it happen. I did the best I could do. Which in my opinion is much more satisfying and much more honorable than saying "I was too afraid to try."