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Pearl Harbor
2001-05-29 4:02 a.m.

I'm sure that lots have people have really thought-provoking things to say about Pearl Harbor & Humanity blah blah, war blah, killing, blah, blah, violence, death blah, blah, blah, entertainment, love stories, blah, blah blah. However, this is what I have to say about Pearl Harbor the movie:

DO NOT EVER WATCH THIS MOVIE, EVER. IT WILL RIP YOUR HEART FROM YOUR VERY CHEST AND THROW TO THE GROUND. IT WILL THEN PROCEED TO POKE NEEDLES INTO REPEATEDLY & RELENTLESSLY. JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOU MIGHT EXPLODE FROM PAIN, IT WILL STOMP VIOLENTLY ON YOUR WOUNDED HEART UNTIL YOU ARE SOBBING SO HARD NO ONE IS WATCHING THE MOVIE ANYMORE, THEY ARE ALL WATCHING YOU. YOU WILL THEN CRY INCESSANTLY FOR AT LEAST THREE MONTHS AND WAKE UP IN A COLD SWEAT 15 TIMES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT SCREAMING "NO!!!!!, PLEASE!!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!" YOU WILL BE UNABLE TO WATCH TELEVISION OR SURF THE INTERNET, AS PREVIEWS AND BANNER ADS WILL PROPELL YOU INTO A SCREAMING/CRYING FIT AND THROW YOU INTO A DEEP DEPRESSION LASTING AT LEAST 7 DAYS.

DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.